misfit FILMS

Ask Jenna Leigh: Penis Size

2011-08-15T19:48:00.001-07:00

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Does size really matter? Jenna Leigh answers the age-old question. www.DirtyLittleShorts.com

Ask Jenna Leigh: Virginity

2011-08-14T20:07:00.001-07:00

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Wondering how to keep your boyfriend satisfied while holding onto your precious cherry pie? Jenna Leigh has the answer!www.DirtyLittleShorts.com

Ask Jenna Leigh: Sexual Harrassment

2011-08-14T03:28:00.001-07:00

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What should you do when you're being sexually harrassed by a pervy professor? Jenna Leigh has the answer!www.DirtyLittleShorts.com

Ask Jenna Leigh: Mulatto Baby

2011-08-08T09:03:00.001-07:00

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How can you assure that your illegitimate mixed-race baby will be financially taken care of? Jenna Leigh has the answer! www.DirtyLittleShorts.com

Ask Jenna Leigh: Sex Drive

2011-07-08T07:51:00.001-07:00

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Jenna Leigh shows you how to improve your doggy style. No animals were harmed in the making of this webisode...except for the cats. www.DirtyLittleShorts.com

Ask Jenna Leigh: Cheating

2011-05-06T06:15:00.001-07:00

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What should you do if you're cheating and you get pregnant? Ask Jenna Leigh! www.DirtyLittleShorts.com

Ask Jenna Leigh: Sexual Harrassment

2011-05-05T23:17:00.001-07:00

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What should you do when you're being sexually harrassed by a pervy professor? Jenna Leigh has the answer!

www.DirtyLittleShorts.com

Ask Jenna Leigh: Virginity

2011-05-03T22:27:00.001-07:00

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Wondering how to keep your boyfriend satisfied while holding onto your precious cherry pie? Jenna Leigh has the answer!

www.DirtyLittleShorts.com

Ask Jenna Leigh: Penis Size

2011-04-27T21:32:00.001-07:00

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Does size really matter? Jenna Leigh answers the age-old question.

www.DirtyLittleShorts.com

Ask Jenna Leigh: Cheating

2011-04-26T22:56:00.001-07:00

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What should you do if you're cheating and you get pregnant? Ask Jenna Leigh!

www.DirtyLittleShorts.com

Film Contests: Beware the Fine Print

2011-04-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

Someone recently posted a film contest to my Facebook page and after reading the fine print in the contest rules I felt it was my duty to blog about it so that unsuspecting filmmakers don't fall into the abyss of giving their films away for free unknowingly.

In my super-secret dayjob I deal quite a bit with sweepstakes and contest rules, so trust me: I know what I'm talking about here.

Keep in mind that when you submit to a contest or sweepstakes you are agreeing to abide by their Official Rules which everyone tends to ignore. Under normal circumstances - if you're trying to win movie tickets or a gift certificate to Bed Bath & Beyond - this wouldn't be a big deal. But this is your film we're talking about here, folks. Which you presumably spent a LONG time working on. You might want to take 30 minutes to read through the rules and see what you're getting yourself into.

A few things to watch out for if you're unfamiliar with legal ease:

Many times contests will post what are referred to as the "abbreviated rules". This is like looking at a kernal of corn and assuming that you're going to eat corn on the cob, when in reality it's one kernal of corn sitting on top of a ten-pound mound of dog crap. Read the Complete Official Rules. It's really the only way of knowing whether or not you're going to get cornholed.

When you see the words "in perpetuity" you should react in the same way that vampires in the 70s and 80s reacted to seeing a cross. It's fancy legal language that means "FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER UNTIL THE END OF TIME". So if a contest says they will have the right to use your film "in perpetuity throughout the universe", you should kiss control of your film bye-bye. And if it's accompanied by the phrase "in its sole discretion", you might still own your film, but someone else has the right to use it however they want forever and ever.

Now, I'm not saying that this is necessarily a bad thing. It depends on whether or not the payoff is worth it. Look at the prize. And, especially, read the prize paragraph. The Doritos Crash the Super Bowl Contest challenges you to create a 30 second commercial for the opportunity to potentially win $2.5 million and have your commercial aired during the Super Bowl. That's probably worth signing over the rights to your work.

The prize for the contest I was recently informed of was:

"The Top Film winner will (a) have his or her film aired on the [network name] television network and (b)receive round trip airfare between a major airport nearest to the Top Film winner's residence and Los Angeles, CA and two (2) nights hotel accommodations in Los Angeles, CA for on-ground screening of his or her film and meeting with an executive or equivalent at [network name] or other entertainment company."

Very vague. This could translate to: (a) Your film will air on the network at 3am and (b) if you live in L.A. you can forget about the airfare and hotel and (c) you'll have a "screening" of your film on an intern's laptop at a coffee shop in Silverlake and a junior junior junior "executive" (aka glorified personal assistant) will stop by to shake your hand and recommend the cheese danish.

Not worth giving up rights to your film, "in perpetuity, throughout the universe" at "our sole discretion".

Now, I may be exaggerating the result - maybe it turns out to be the big break you've been looking for and not the dour situation I described. But are you willing to gamble the rights to your film on it? I'm not. Companies purposefully word their rules vaguely so that they'll have an "out" if you're not happy with the results.

Cash prizes are the way to go. If the contest offers a cash prize, it's right there in black-and-white and there's no dispute. Now, keep in mind that they may be misleading: Doritos I believe advertised $5 million dollars in cash - which is true when you add up ALL the cash. But the MOST you can win, if you read the fine print, is $2.5 million, which is a long shot and requires several steps to accomplish. Not that I'm scoffing at it. It's a pretty big chunk o' change. Even the minimum prize is $25k, which is still - in my opinion - enough to entice me to enter the contest. Just know that the prize advertised may be a little misleading.

[OK, I just realized this is a bigger topic than I can cover in one blog entry, so...TO BE CONTINUED...]

Remembrances of Dennis Hopper

2010-05-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

As are many people, I'm very saddened by the passing of Dennis Hopper and it brought to mind my one encounter I had with him that I thought I'd share:

My short film, FILTHY FOOD, screened in competition at CineVegas 2007 - an awesome film festival that I highly recommend to everyone. Dennis Hopper was the Chairman of that festival so he was constantly popping in and out at screenings and parties. I met him briefly at a party, but didn't really talk to him. He was well-chaperoned by members of the festival staff who would guide him away from riff-raff like me so that I couldn't annoy him by asking him to be in my next movie. Understandable.

But I was lucky enough to be invited to a super-secret last-minute "filmmaker only" screening of BLUE VELVET with Mr. Hopper in attendance. Of course I was completely geeked-out about it and didn't care that I'd been up till 4am that morning with the screening at 10am the same morning. I was, however, pretty mortified that the cheese danish I ate that morning didn't agree with me and my stomach was gurgling throughout the entire pre-screening Q&A. It was embarrassing enough to keep me from asking him any questions. Well, that and the fact that I'd already read about most of what he was sharing with us.

There were maybe 15 of us in the theater (at most) and Mr. Hopper was gracious and accommodating (if not somewhat shy) in sharing his experiences about working on a film that I'm sure he'd grown sick of answering questions about over the past 25 years. He told the usual stories of how he'd landed the iconic role of Frank by calling David Lynch on the phone while he was having lunch with Laura Dern (or was it Kyle MacLachlan?) and telling him that he WAS Frank Booth and that Lynch would have to cast him in the part; and that the original script called for him to inhale helium which he thought was silly, so (knowing a thing-or-two about drugs) he suggested amyl nitrate to Lynch because it induced a sort of trance-like euphoria which seemed more appropriate for the character.

But there was one question he answered that really stuck with me that I had never heard about in any trivia about BLUE VELVET: Someone asked how he got into character for the role of Frank Booth. He thought about it for a second and said, "I don't know. I was really just trying to stay sober at the time so I really don't remember." This struck me as incredibly honest, courageous, human and, as someone who has struggled with similar demons, I found it quite inspiring. I really admired him for saying that. He didn't make a big deal about it - the moment flashed by in an instant - and I'd bet that only two of the maybe-15 people that were there even remembered that he had said it, but I thought it was pretty cool.

So, although I didn't know Dennis Hopper and I can barely say I met the man, I can say that he had a profound affect on me at that particular moment in time and I'll never forget it.

Plus he didn't say anything about the deafening sound of cheese danish gurgling around in my stomach, so that was cool. I mean, he must've heard it. It was loud.

Rest In Peace, Mr. Hopper.

-t. arthur COTTAM

Festival Fee Waiver Douchiness

2010-03-23T13:18:00.000-07:00

"Am I a douche if I ask for a fee waiver from a film festival?"

This question was posed to a well-known blogger from a "respectable" independent film organization. Her answer was "Yes", you are a douche. Um. OK. I whole-heartedly disagree. And I couldn't sit idly by and read this without commenting and putting this into perspective for us filmmakers living in the real world.

First off, the answer is "No", you are not a douche if you ask for a fee waiver from a film festival. You're a douche if you ask in a douchey way and expect them to say "Yes". Now, the people running film festivals are big boys and can decide whether or not to grant you a fee waiver. Often they deny your request and then you have to decide whether or not you want to pay the fee. If you get indignant with the festival and act like an a-hole about it when they deny your fee waiver request then, yeah, that's pretty douchey. But, no, it's not douchey to ask for a fee waiver. I do it all the time. And more often than not, the fee is gladly waived. Now keep in mind that most of the waivers I ask for are from festivals that have previously screened my work and it is customary for festivals to waive fees in those instances. If you're just starting out, you should expect to pay a lot of entry fees. That's the unfortunate reality.

Now, there is the rare instance of a fee NOT getting waived by a festival that has previously shown your work. That is douchey. Beyond douchey. This has only happened to me twice (that I can remember) and I won't mention names, but one of the festivals was pretty BUFF and the other one just happens to take place where that giant hippy music festival happened in the 60s. Damned hippies.

Let's keep something in mind here: I'm not bashing festivals. I love festivals. Festivals have expenses. They have to rent a venue to show the films. They have to print programs. They have to print tickets. They have to pay a projectionist. They have to rent a projector. And these are just the bare minimum expenses that I know about - I'm sure there are many many many more, depending on the festival. And keep in mind that festivals are taking a HUGE risk when programming your work: They are literally banking on people attending screenings based on the quality of your film and your ability to draw a crowd. I love festivals and hope that they continue to make money and thrive and survive so that I have a venue to show my films in front of a live audience.

BUT

If a festival is relying on MY entry fee to run their festival, it's generally not a very well-run festival. The better festivals have sponsors and advertisers that cover the bulk of their costs. They don't rely solely on entry fees. And they are savvy enough to seek out and program films that will cater to their audiences. Audiences that they've built over the years by being well-run, well-programmed festivals. And, unless it's a festival that puts on free screenings, these festivals are generally charging regular movie ticket prices to show your films. So festivals have a few sources of revenue to draw from.

Sadly, CineVegas isn't happening in 2010 which is a real shame because they are one of the great film festivals. But they decided that they couldn't raise the funds to pull off the kind of quality festival that their audiences and filmmakers have become accustomed to. Now, did they put the burden on the filmmakers by raising entry fees or telling alumni filmmakers that they couldn't waive fees this year? No. They did the respectable thing and just postponed the festival for a year. This obviously isn't ideal, but I use it as an example of how a well-run festival doesn't rely on submission fees to pay for their festival.

In 2008 when DIRTY WORDS: The Letter C was doing the festival circuit most of the festival directors I talked to were disappointed because of the sad state of the economy which had diminished their sponsorship funds which forced them to scale back their operations. Not a single festival director told me they were forced to scale back because their submissions were down and they weren't making enough money from submission fees.

Catch my drift?

Festival entry fees average around $35 each. If you submit to 100 film festivals, that's $3500! At Dirty Little Shorts the average budget of our films is $200. At Misfit Films the average budget of our feature films is $5000. I'm glad the blogger I mentioned has lots of money to throw around at festivals--more power to her--but some of us could make another film for the money we would potentially be spending on entry fees.

And, by the way, entry fees are mostly a U.S. phenomenon. Most European and Asian film festivals don't charge an entry fee (with the exception of Great Britain). Granted, most of them are government subsidised, but most also offer prize money which is a big incentive to submit. Most U.S. film festivals don't offer prize money.

So I call shenanigans on the idea that asking for fee waivers is douchey.

A fellow filmmaker suggested this (which I thought was pretty brilliant): Ask festivals if they'd be willing to waive the fee contingent upon your acceptance into the festival. If your film is accepted into the festival, you'll pay the entry fee. It hasn't worked for me the few times I've proposed it, but apparently it's worked for her.

All they can do is say "No", right?

Having said that: Always be courteous and respectful. You're dealing with human beings here. Most of them are really nice, reasonable, intelligent human beings, too. No one wants to waive the fee for a douche. Let alone programming the film of a douchey filmmaker.

But I couldn't let some blogger accuse me of being a douche for asking for fee waivers without speaking up and letting y'all know the real deal from my own douchey perspective.

xo
-t.

And then there were 2...

2010-02-02T18:03:00.000-08:00

Hey, "how come I haven't seen any postings to this blog in a while", you ask? Well, for a few reasons:

1. We're busy making movies.
2. All but 2 of our Misfits have "left the building" so-to-speak.
3. Realizing the importance of indie filmmakers needing a web presence, we're trying to figure out the most time-efficient way to link Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, Myspace and our website (www.misfitFILMS.com) together and since we lost all of our interns, we old foggies are fumbling around in the dark like monkeys trying to fuck footballs.

So there you have it... But we will endeavor to persevere and continue posting to this blog on a semi-regular basis to keep you updated on what we're doing here at Misfit Films World Headquarters. Making movies. Fucking footballs.

The Results Are In...

2009-03-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

Bake off Friday turned out to be awesome. The catty attitudes of Amy and Norman filled every corner of Misfit Studios. It started with Norman baking first. To the table he brought the old fashion chocolate chip cookie. The sweet smell of Norman and his delicious treats and his cookies were all we could smell all day. The oven timer beeps and we start to inhale cookies. We were swearing off Mrs. Fields with crumbs spitting from our faces. Norman's cookies were sooo good it made T. drool. My juices from my noise started leaking and I knew these cookies were going to be tough to beat.

Amy steps into the ring, well actually, the kitchen. She had her competitive face on and didn't even break a sweat. She pops in the cookies with a confident smile and glares over at Norman.

"Fuck you Norman." Her language appalls us. She is a feisty little one.

Her cookies made us fly like magical ponies. One bite into them and hints of orange grind exploded into our palettes. Amy was a tough contender, but in the end, Norman takes the cake. I'm sorry that was gay... but so is Norman so I guess gay is okay.

Norman, Misfit salutes you. You are the cookie queen of this studio.

AMY VS Intern #2

2009-02-27T21:55:00.000-08:00

First off, I would just Like to say to those who missed last nights meeting missed the best smack down of the century. Amy VS Me, intern #2. Of course I won the epic smack down. But to give you guys a taste of what you missed, here a snippet of what wen down!

Amy: So what do you think of my cookies that I made from SCRATCH! Norman.

Norman: Personally amy, there a little dry and they kinda taste of shit. I can do way better.

Amy: Bitch no you didn't. Don't come up in MY HOUSE, and tell ME how to make a fucking cookie!

Norman: Bitch please, from the way you bake, there is absolutely no one in this world who can tell you how to make a cookie. Since flour = dirt in your cook book.

Amy: Your face looks like dirt blacky.

Norman: Nigga please! you better step off, Or i'll cut you with your own hard jagged ass cookie. These things should be illegal.

Amy: Fuck you! Your cookies are so bad when your momma ate one she realized that hey, cancer isn't so bad after all.

Norman: Oh no HO! Your cookies are so bad that santa had to lick Rudolph's ass to get the taste of your nasty ass cookies out of his mouth!

Amy: Nigga Your cookies are so bad, the keebler elves had to put a hit out on you for giving cookies a bad name!

Norman: Cracka! YOUR Cookies are so bad, jesus took them as a signal to start the rapture! Thus bringing about the apocalypse! You destroyed the WORLD BITCH!

And the smack down went on for hours. Eventually T and Jim

had to hold us back and sedate us. So Amy and i decided to have a cookie battle, held next friday, JIMS PLACE! BE THERE! Also T's making peanut butter ice cream. HE PROMISED!

JIM

On another note, Amy and I decided to put our differences aside and tackle a project that eclipsed our cookie issue. JIMS CLOSET! For those of you who haven't seen it Please look at the picture above. By the time we found oscar beneath all the clothes, he was already dead. Been dead for a while. The look of utter fear that was on his face was, just to much to bare... So if you could, please bend your head down and spare a moment for Oscar... All he wanted was a friend you know. He thought he saw it in Jim's eyes but, no. Just pain. Pain and suffering. For shame Jim, for shame.

Jim, if you don't want me to shame you again then keep your room clean!

Anyways, its relatively clean now. And so is the hallway closet near the front door. Took me hours. The office closet is my next project. And to tell you the truth, I'm a little scared. But I know, that with truth and justice, I will prevail.

So in closing Kyle and Jessica Rice can go shove it, i revoke your intern Numbers. Aaaaand Here is a picture of Lana & Erik Estrada,working together at last.

P.S. they are both mexican.

This is what you get for slacking off and not show up for meetings Lana. SHAAAAAME!

Misfitting Su su Secretsss!

2009-02-22T11:57:00.000-08:00

Jim was born in pieces and delivered in the mail over the span of 9 months. His heart was replaced with the heart of a pig because the delivery of his original heart was shipped overseas and detained in customs. His mum panicked and picked up a pig heart from craigslist and seconds after the final surgery, his original heart was delivered. The whereabouts of his original heart is not known, but some only hypothesize that he keeps it in his sock drawer.

T has OCD. When he sneezes, he has to clap for himself until he feels the germs exiting his body have all been captured and absorbed in his hands, as to not risk the loss of any creative bugs...

These are 2 correct statements.

Where are my titles?

2009-02-20T10:54:00.000-08:00

Dear lana,

I read your post about me, or should i say YOU read your post to me? Well let me just tell you, Yes, I don't like boobs and I'm an awesome editor. Which you did state already.

But here is an update! Last friday I helped film the second round of commentary with Jim and T. And let me tell you, apparently everyone loves NUTS! Not just one type of nut, but all kinds of nuts, I mean, everyone could not keep those salty nuts out of there mouths. It was truly a sight to see. And yes i did get it on tape. The only person whose lips barely touched the skin of those salty nuts was T! But thats because he's married.

Lana Bear!

If you look on the screen above, you will see a pic of the great screen actress Lana in her oscar worthy role in the short, "Dearest Brother". Of course it wasn't done in time to be submitted to the oscars because the titles aren't done! Sorry Lana, you'll never get that golden man if you keep procrastinating and eating like you are in this picture that you can see to your right.

Where are my titles Lana, Where are they?

Love intern #2

Meet Intern #2- The Intern We Love To Hate

2009-02-13T16:24:00.001-08:00

This intern is our favorite intern to hate... intern number 2. Norman Trotter the Fourth. Don't let his cute little canary scarf fool you folks. He is vicious. Vicious like a pirate, but mushy inside. Mushy like sweet fields of bon bons in your mouth... Oh that Norman. Trust me, when something goes wrong, 10 out of 10, it was that Norman Trotter...

However, he does happen to have skills that no other intern possess. He can dance like a queen, but that's not his best feature... He is amazing at editing here at Misfit. My god! What a magician. He has been recently working on a project called Boobs. Tee Hee. Boobs. Norman, you don't like boobs. IRONY!

GET BACK TO WORK .... INTERN!

2009-02-07T16:48:00.000-08:00

Dearest Intern#1-4

2009-02-07T16:31:00.000-08:00

Today, Saturday, February 07th 2009 1:34pm, 4 members of the Carbuncle cast ate our intern snacks. When I told them it was the only thing we had, they laughed in my face. Let it be known that intern #5 did her best to stop the snack ransacking munching fest, but was not strong enough to defeat the army of 4...

Forgive me friends.

Love,
#5

The Interns Have Spoken

2009-02-06T16:24:00.000-08:00

So you're a misfit fan huh? I suppose that's why you are here. You are lonely and bored and want to know the life of the interns who slave away at misfit for the price of tasty treats and sometimes a casual high five. Well my friend, think of slaves working in a cotton field with their bare hands against the abrasive and prickling thorns ripping their flesh from the bone and then picture a misfit intern. Picture little Asian children diligently working in small spaces with no room to breathe nor windows working non stop from dusk til dawn with no breaks or food having to crap their own pants in order to maintain high productivity, and then picture a misfit intern. Then finally, picture an abusive husband (or wife) that watches over your shoulder and mouth breathes to let you know that he/she is watching you're every move controlling everything you do or else... then yes, picture a misfit intern.

I might be exaggerating just a bit... The treats aren't always tasty, but the high fives are frequent and fantastic. They really don't beat us here, but I'm pretty sure they are reading these blogs... Hi Jim and T! Love the treats.

...

ANY WHOOOO...

The point of clicking on yet another misfit link is to follow (through the eyes of the interns) the progress of misfit and behind the scene drama that keeps this company alive.

You're in for a treat...

Please Enjoy.

Yours Truly,
Intern #5. (we don't have names here)

This is just Jim's example he leaves out for us interns...